Body language sends subtle messages

In an online forum, a classmate raises a point about the importance of body language, especially its subliminal messaging.

Study: Peers judge children with autism based on facial expression

A study released by SAGE Publications and the National Autistic Society, U.K., has found that slower development by children with autism in facial expressivity marks them out among their peers.

At Disability Scoop, Michelle Diament highlights the rate at which typically-developing children form impressions of children with autism: in as few as 30 seconds according to study findings.

Just say no, Adam Bryant, to scary face-vibe

Adam Bryant on LinkedIn

I have mixed feelings about a post by Adam Bryant on LinkedIn about nonverbal cues. A subordinate asked Bryant, “Are you mad at me,” reaching this conclusion based upon something he or she had read in Bryant’s face.

From the incident, Bryant said he learned “a memorable lesson that day about how people can read so much into subtle, and often unintended, cues. From that moment on, I found myself making much more of an effort to be aware of my body language, particularly with the team of reporters I was leading, and to always show energy, confidence and optimism, even if I was on a tight deadline and wrestling with a difficult problem.”

I think Bryant is correct that people will look to a leader for guidance and watch his or her every move. And being aware of the impression you are making is certainly good advice.

I have severe misgivings, however, about “picking a face” and then consistently displaying that same face all the time.

I have a difficult enough time interpreting nonverbal cues from facial expressions and body language without their being compounded by an unnaturally blank expression or one that appears not to quite fit with what’s going on. A furrowed brow is less ambiguous even if my conclusion is wrong.

Your carefully neutral expression will more likely give off the scary face-vibe and then I’ll really wonder if you’re angry at me.

I was directed to Bryant’s post via a blog entry by Steve Buttry.

The Language of Flowers by Vanessa Diffenbaugh

I was accompanied on my bus commute in late November/early December by The Language of Flowers by Vanessa Diffenbaugh (Ballantine Books, 2012).

The book grabbed my attention with a dramatic opening in which the story’s narrator is on the verge of emancipating from the foster care system. The story alternates between present-day and the narrator’s experience growing up through foster care.

While growing up, Victoria Jones, the narrator, is introduced to the hidden meanings that are assigned to flowers. Her flower selections leave coded messages that are often known only to her.

Upon reaching adulthood, her ability with flowers provides her with the means to earn a livelihood. It also serves as the primary way in which she connects with people.

‘Bully’ highlights shared experiences

“No Bully” promotional pin given to me by theater manager because I asked for one

Viewing “Bully” on Saturday was an opportunity to reflect upon shared experiences with the children who are profiled in this film.

I viewed this film with especial solidarity with Alex Libby and Tyler Long, two youths on the autism spectrum who were bullied by their peers. Those traits of autism possessed by Long and Libby, clearly identified in the film, are traits that I share as well: sensitivity to crowds and to loud noises and a difficulty with social communication.

Like Libby and Long, I believe these traits made me a vulnerable target for bullying.

Long committed suicide at the age of 17 and the film documents his parents’ efforts to advocate for  school environments in which bullying is not tolerated. It’s a crusade that I share.

I commend the filmmakers’ willingness to depict behavior by school administrators that self-incriminates to say the least.

A school administrator forces a child to shake hands with a child who has bullied him. When the victim is understandably reluctant to accept this forced, insincere overture, she chastises him, telling him he is no better than the child who bullied him. She is clearly lecturing the wrong child in this scene.

A school board member, stating on-camera that bullying is not a concern at the school, nods her head “yes” as she speaks. I am grateful for body language insights gained by watching the show “Lie to Me.” Here is “Lie to Me: ‘Bully’ Edition.”

A concern by some members of the autism community was that the film did not disclose Libby and Long’s autism spectrum diagnosis.

I would like to quote a statement by Jackie Libby, Alex Libby’s mother, because it’s a viewpoint I share concerning how bullying should be addressed:

“My son Alex is also a subject of ‘Bully’. He also has Asperger’s and it was also kept out of the film. Admittedly at first, I did not prefer it because of the comments people would make about Alex’s ‘weird’ behaviors in the film. I thought if they had an understanding as to why, it may have softened their sometimes cruel remarks. However, after being around the country and meeting so many families and kids who have been tormented by this issue I came to realize it shouldn’t matter. This is not a film about Aspergers, it is a film about bullying. It shouldn't matter if it’s Aspergers, homosexuality, race, religion, or even if the child is just perceived as ‘weird’ for no reason at all. ALL KIDS have the right to be protected and to feel safe at school! By removing our labels we only invite more individuals to relate, to discuss, and to resolve these issues. Because at the end of the day, we all want our kids to feel safe and accepted and if we stick together, they can.”

I am one of those children who was perceived as “weird” for no reason at all because when I was going to school, “autism” was more rigidly defined than it is now.

Being diagnosed at 39 was a revelation for me. Suddenly, my feeling out of place and even being targeted for bullying finally made sense. My condition had a name, it was understood and documented and I was not alone in my experiences.

But the bottom line for me is that bullying is wrong. Who the victim is, what characteristics incited the abuse and ostracism, should be less a consideration than to have zero tolerance.

The victim is not to blame, is not responsible, for the bullying.

People need to be aware that children with disabilities are particularly vulnerable to bullying, but they should be prepared to advocate for and support all targets of bullying. Abuse and ostracism is wrong, no matter who directed against. No one deserves to be bullied.

Some of the most hopeful scenes in this film show people getting involved through organizations like Stand for the Silent and Challenge Day.

Stand for the Silent was founded by Kirk and Laura Smalley, whose 11-year-old son Ty committed suicide to escape constant bullying. Its mission is: “End Bullying. Save Lives.”

For more information about “Bully,” visit http://thebullyproject.com/ and http://action.thebullyproject.com/. Follow on Twitter: https://twitter.com/#!/bullymovie.

To learn more about Stand for the Silent, visit http://www.standforthesilent.org/. To learn more about Challenge Day, visit http://www.challengeday.org/.

Toastmasters may have something to offer

I think I'm going to join Toastmasters International. It was something I wanted to do before I learned I have AS and now that I know this about myself, I still think that Toastmasters may have something to offer.