“Think about a time when you felt hopeful about something in your life”

My ‘No Bully’ mugshot

When I attended school in Calistoga, CA, I didn’t fit in with any of my classmates. I didn’t have any friends and, in addition to simply feeling isolated, I was actively shunned and bullied by what felt like the entire student population.

The isolation I felt began on Day 1 of Kindergarten and persisted throughout my K-12 career at Calistoga Elementary School and Calistoga Junior/Senior High School.

The adults did very little about it; an individual teacher might build me up by saying that my reading ability put me at the top of the class but there were no anti-bullying programs the way that there are now (Safe School Ambassadors, Challenge Day, and the like).

‘Big words’ don’t need apology

The narrator of a story I was reading, apologized for using “large words.” But I am autistic and using “big words” is part of who I am. In the past I was teased and ridiculed for having a large vocabulary and, when I read that passage, it seemed like the narrator had internalized being shamed for their vocabulary. I want to push back against the idea that people should apologize or feel at all ashamed for using “big words.”
https://youtu.be/9aIABl34AHg

‘The Music Box’ by Bekezela Broscius

I enjoyed this book, which centers around the experience of a girl, Busi, attending school in Zimbabwe, who’s being bullied by a classmate.

The fact that Busi’s school was putting on a play was of special interest to me, as the school where I work integrates the arts into its teaching of core curriculum and its arts electives include drama. I view children’s books that address performance and other arts as especially well-suited for my school library.

In Busi’s case, the performance was a class-trip fundraiser. Busi submitted an anonymous idea to put on a class play of Cinderella.

Busi later auditioned and won the role of Cinderella, but was overcome by anxiety because Doreen, the school bully, was cast in the role of stepmother.

Throughout reading this book, I really felt for Busi as a character. The book’s themes of bullying and of trying to make new friends could resonate with children everywhere.

I received an Advance copy of this book through BookSirens

‘Reluctant Paladin’ by Jordan Bernal

A strong theme of uniting to combat bullying is at the heart of this fantasy novel for young readers that is set in Ireland. The protagonist, Niall, has arrived at a new school after his parents leave him in the care of his grandfather.

Niall is an onlooker to a classmate being bullied, and at first he wants to intervene but the bully’s target convinces him not to. Later, Niall is himself targeted by the bully.

Meanwhile, Niall’s grandfather provides veterinary care to various clans of dragon-riders. Bonded pairs of dragons and their human “compeers” keep Ireland safe and prosperous — and only a few people are privileged to know the existence of the dragons.

Recently, Grayson, a young dragon, was born without wings at one of the dragon-riders’ compounds. Grayson was given into the care of a young man who, instead, abused him. Niall’s grandfather and local clan leaders intervene and rescue Grayson, and Niall comes to care for him.

While caring for Grayson, Niall also learns how to defeat the bullying done by his classmate.

The author, Jordan Bernal, has done well with developing her characters. The bully, Thorin, is not simply a one-dimensional villain; instead, we learn he is doing his best to care for several younger siblings. Circumstances have forced him to step into the role of father because his own father is lost in drink, and they all live under constant threat of authorities breaking-up the family.

This book arrived in my school library courtesy of a parent-supporter who attended a writers’ conference with author Jordan Bernal. I am interested in reading The Keepers of Eire, which this book is a prequel to.

Bullying, a cultural ‘norm’ that I hope to eliminate

As I’ve previously mentioned, I am taking a child development course, and this week, the class has been discussing the influence of culture on children.

Asked what value or cultural practice that we would like to eliminate, my answer is that I’d like to eliminate bullying in all spheres of society.

Cyber-bullying: Lawsuit based on product liability

A man has filed a harassment lawsuit against the Grindr dating app (as reported via NBC News). The claim is based on consumer protection from dangerous or unsafe products.

Matthew Herrick is claiming that he was harassed via the Grindr app, through a former partner creating fake profiles that impersonated Herrick. “The alleged harassment continued for months, even after Herrick obtained a temporary restraining order against Grindr that required the company to disable the impersonating profiles.”

Online bullying is concerning to me, through direct experience. When I worked as a journalist, I was “trolled” by anonymous commenting. In my writings, I argued that comments should be tied to a registered account.

More recently, I became the unwilling audience to a campaign on Facebook to deliberately “shame” another person. I wondered then, and continue to wonder now, how we can move beyond an impulse to humiliate people and destroy their lives and careers?

Currently, people have little recourse if they’re subject to online bullying, because a “free-speech” law protects companies from liability for content that is posted by “third-parties.” But this could change if Herrick is successful with his lawsuit.

In the words of David Ingram, reporting for NBC News: “[Herrick’s] lawsuit alleges that the software developers who write code for Grindr have been negligent, producing an app that’s defective in its design and that is ‘fundamentally unsafe’ and ‘unreasonably dangerous’ — echoing language that’s more typically used in lawsuits about, say, a faulty kitchen appliance or a defective car part.”

Speaking as someone who strongly believes that bullying is not “free speech,” this case intrigues me for possibly holding companies responsible for abuses their platforms facilitate.

‘Crush’ by Svetlana Chmakova

The character of Jorge lends a protective presence to the hallways of Berrybrook Middle School; I met him in Brave, patrolling the halls and persuading bullies to leave their targets alone.

In Crush, the latest by Svetlana Chmakova, Jorge takes center stage and we learn the wisdom from Jorge’s father that Jorge takes to heart: “Strength is a resource. If you have a lot and someone doesn’t, you gotta share yours.” But Jorge’s calm presence is ruffled by a schoolmate, Jazmine.

What I think especially well-done in this book is the conveying of Jorge’s mental processes. Jazmine is very much on his mind, and he dwells upon those brief exchanges they share in the Berrybrook Middle School hallways. When Jazmine is drawn as part of Jorge’s memory, there’s a different artistic quality to that rendition than when she’s physically present.

I mentioned in my review of Chmakova’s Brave that the book imparts valuable wisdom: about understanding how REAL friends will treat you, learning to recognize subtler forms of bullying, and speaking up for yourself.

In Crush, Coach Rashad — reviewing conduct-expectations for an upcoming dance — talks about respecting personal boundaries with the Athletics Club. Without wanting to go into too many specifics that might inadvertently be spoilers, there are numerous delineations between characters in this book: those who respect personal boundaries and choices, and those who don’t.

Altogether, this book is another solid addition to the young readers’ graphic-novel collection. I look forward to seeing it on the shelf at my local school library.

Disclosure of material connection: I originally read an excerpt of this book in a special publication for Free Comic Book Day, and was later able to complete the story via a copy from the public library. My taxes support libraries’ acquisition of this and other resources, and I consider the access I enjoy to be a “priceless” return on my investment.

Bullying: Trump would be ‘bystander’ in schoolyard, celebrating violence against journalist

As someone who works toward a school and social climate where bullying is eliminated, I want to talk about comments by U.S. President Donald Trump, in which he spoke admiringly of a Montana congressional candidate who “body-slammed” a reporter.

‘Ghosted’ by Leslie Margolis

I wanted to read this book because it’s from the perspective of the mean girl -- a perspective that I think is important to understand if we’re to combat bullying.

Why do people engage in bullying behavior? What needs or desires does it speak to? What would it take to get them to stop?

In the case of Ghosted, the bully point-of-view character is a girl named Ellie.

First of all, what I like about this book is the idea that someone can change. Who you are now does not define you forever. That said, I didn’t find it believable when Ellie changed for the better.

‘Bullied to Death?’ by Judith A. Yates

“What exactly happened on September 5, 2015, in Mankin Park is difficult to decipher. Eyewitness testimonies vary. The whole truth will never be known.”

Author Judith A. Yates explores the last hours of 14-year-old Sherokee Harriman. The official explanation is that Sherokee killed herself by stabbing herself in the stomach after she and another girl got in a fight over a boy.

Sherokee left the park where this altercation took place, and returned a short while later with the knife.

Sherokee’s family contends that the exchange was no fight. The girl and her friends bullied Sherokee and, when she returned with the knife, she either stabbed herself on accident or one of them forced her to stab herself. No charges were brought against any of the teens who witnessed Sherokee’s death.

The media and public outcry latched on to “bullying” as the cause of Sherokee’s death — and as this book documents, throughout her time in school, Sherokee was subjected to continual taunts about her appearance and hygiene. When she became older, her classmates also called her a bitch, a slut, and a “ho.”

Any attempts to report the bullying left Sherokee branded a “snitch.” Sherokee eventually “tired of it all,” and stopped turning in reports. When asked at home for an update she’d simply say school officials were “looking into it,” or that they “took care of the problem.”

But whatever bullying Sherokee endured, was on top of additional trauma. Her mother, Heather, came from an abusive home and suffered from poor self-esteem.

Heather bounced from job to job, relationship to relationship. (Sherokee and her older sister Shyloe came from two different fathers.) Heather also had difficulty managing her anger; she would shout and use obscenities and accuse the other person of deliberately “pushing [her] buttons.”

Sherokee and Shyloe were both sexually abused by their mother’s husband Ronnie (who was also Shyloe’s father.) It left the girls with lasting psychological scars.

Sherokee additionally struggled with bouts of severe depression. She was emotionally immature and lacked the coping skills to get what she wanted in any other way than by throwing tantrums. Sherokee often threatened to kill herself when she did not get her way. And like Heather, Sherokee tended to blame others for her behavior and responses.

Ultimately, this book poses more questions than it concretely answers. What — or who — actually caused the death of Sherokee Harriman? Was she “Bullied to Death?” Or was it one of many factors that were cumulatively too much for this damaged young person to bear? Reading this story was difficult and painful, but worth thinking about by caring adults who want to combat bullying or want to foster resiliency in children.

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received a review copy of this book from the publisher. The opinion expressed is my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

‘Pottymouth and Stoopid’ by James Patterson

An entire community creates the environment where bullying is condoned. Case in point: Michael and David, protagonists of James Patterson's novel, Pottymouth and Stoopid.

It only took one person, in each case, to saddle the boys with cruel nicknames, but then those nicknames stuck.

Those names gave rise to a collective attitude about who these boys were, and what they had the potential to become.

I take stories about bullying to heart, because I myself am its survivor. I was called names, I was physically abused, and I was shunned by my schoolmates.

Today I work around students, and I worry about the ways that bullying can manifest. Am I observant enough to catch them? Are there behaviors that slip by me? Do I contribute to a problem, or am I part of the solution: an entire community that, instead of condoning, unites in support of the victims?

Patterson and co-author Chris Grabenstein have my enduring gratitude for crafting a book that, while entertainingly funny, conveys a serious message about the hurtful effects of bullying.

Disclosure of material connection: My taxes support local libraries’ acquisition of this and other resources. I consider the access I enjoy to be a “priceless” return on my investment.

‘Restart’ by Gordon Korman

Restart tells the fascinating story of a bully who has lost his memory and has to rediscover who he is. When the protagonist, Chase, awakes in a hospital, he doesn’t know who he is. Supposedly, he’d fallen off the roof of his house, but he doesn’t know why he’d even been out there.

When Chase returns to school, he doesn’t remember anyone.

Chase learns he’d formerly played football for the school; his father — formerly a football star himself — seems to seek replicating his own glory through Chase’s football career. But because of his head injury, Chase is barred from playing.

For the first time, Chase is free to explore new interests and, essentially, reinvent himself.

But other students’ reactions, and his own resurfacing memories, present a disturbing picture: Chase had been a bully, one of three who terrorized the school.

After one particularly destructive event, Chase and his two cronies were sentenced to community service at a local senior-care facility. Chase doesn’t remember what he did to earn the sentencing, and has been excused because of his injury, but voluntarily goes back to work at the senior-care facility.

Multiple viewpoints tell the story through first-person narrative. Gordon Korman does an excellent job of bringing all these characters to life. His former targets are conflicted: the “new” Chase seems likeable, but they weigh that against their memories of who he used to be.

And Chase himself: Korman really captures the range of emotion Chase feels as he learns about his past, and struggles to reconcile that with the person he’s becoming since he had his accident.

Disclosure of material connection: My taxes support local libraries’ acquisition of this and other resources. I consider the access I enjoy to be a “priceless” return on my investment.

DirecTV commercial normalizes abuse

If you’ve examined my posts, you might know one of the things I care about is to speak out against bullying. I’m a survivor of childhood peer abuse — and as such, I’m concerned when society makes light of ANY kind of abuse.

Well, right now, there’s a DirecTV commercial that seems to air non-stop whenever I stream shows online. Maybe you’ve heard it? That “letting-go, sorry-not-sorry” thing. Accompanied by this voice-over, it shows a young woman in an upper-story residence throwing a man’s belongings out of a window.

She doesn’t just throw them, either; it appears as though she is actively trying to hit him with the heavier objects. If something like that occurred in real life, it could cause injury or death.

Put simply, this commercial is disgusting! It normalizes domestic violence and I find it reprehensible. Moreover, the intended tone of the commercial clearly seems to be that the viewer is expected to relate to this woman, to take her side and exult with her as she threatens to harm another living being.

The look on the actress’s face is utterly revolting when she prepares to chuck the man’s guitar out the window; I find it difficult to read facial expressions but in that moment whatever she is communicating non-verbally, I find the character she is portraying to be completely malevolent.

If DirecTV were hoping to appeal to a female demographic, it has instead thoroughly repulsed this member of its target audience. Every person who “greenlighted” this commercial should be thoroughly ashamed.

‘Better Nate Than Ever’ by Tim Federle

Reading this book, I could thoroughly relate to the protagonist, Nate. I’ve never auditioned for a Broadway performance, but I’ve been on job interviews where a lot was at stake — including the chance to entirely change my career from that of journalist to librarian.

Coming from that background, I could appreciate the suspense as Nate went through the process — anxiously waiting for a call-back and wrestling with the anxiety of what would happen next.

I also sympathized with Nate for what New York seemed to represent, a place where boys didn’t have to live up to a narrow standard of masculinity, where they could talk about the things that Nate cared about, and could even dance together, without being targeted by bullying.

(Bullies frequently target Nate for his perceived sexual orientation, but he describes himself as having an “undecided major” at the College of Sexuality. As Nate puts it, “Macaroni and cheese is still my favorite food — how would I know who I want to hook up with?”)

Nate, himself, is exuberant and irrepressible, truly a delightful narrator.

This book speaks to a wide range of backgrounds and relateable circumstances that readers can bring to the experience of reading it. And I was intrigued to see that it is first volume in a series. I look forward to continuing with Nate’s adventures in the series’ subsequent books.

‘Brave’ by Svetlana Chmakova

Jensen navigates each day of middle-school by imagining it’s a video game.

First obstacle is a math teacher who will give extra homework to EVERYONE if the hapless person he calls upon (often Jensen) fails to correctly answer a math problem.

This, in turn, draws unwanted attention and resentment from some of the other students, who blame Jensen for the extra math homework and take it out on him.

Even if Jensen manages to evade these bullies, danger continues to lurk — in the form of a snarky hallway diva who is ready with a cruel put-down.

But Jensen fixes hope on his reward for completing each level of the game — that is, getting through another day of middle-school: at the end of school, Jensen gets to hang out with Art Club: where he “can just sit, draw, and no one ever bothers me.”

Some of the people in Art Club say belittling things to Jensen ... but they’re his friends, so it’s OK, right? And when someone set up a group-chat list to sign-up for volunteer projects, somehow Jensen is excluded from the list.

When student journalists Jenny and Akilah give him a questionnaire about bullying, Jensen has to take an honest look at himself and confront some of the ways he is treated.

There was just so much about this story I liked ... so many wonderful touches. It’s entertaining and heartfelt and wonderful.

But most significant for me, speaking as a survivor of childhood peer abuse, this story imparts valuable wisdom: about understanding how REAL friends will treat you, learning to recognize bullying, and speaking up for yourself.

Social fluency doesn’t come naturally to everybody, but this book helps illuminate it. I strongly recommend it as a book that enlightens, as well as entertains.

‘Backlash’ by Sarah Darer Littman

High-school student Lara tries to kill herself after a boy who’d friended her on Facebook cruelly rejects her with a public post to her wall, saying the world would be better off without her.

But the boy, “Christian,” was a made-up account and the person who was really behind it was Lara’s neighbor and former friend Bree.

A friend of Bree’s knew and offered suggestions to make Christian seem more believable — and when Bree’s mother found out, she wanted to play-act Christian too.

Their involvement comes to light during the investigation, and they are vilified and shunned; Bree’s phone is hacked and the new recorded greeting invites callers to leave her death threats. Bree’s entire family suffers from the fallout, even though her father and brother were unaware of the incident.

Author Sarah Darer Littman said she was inspired to write Backlash “after reading news stories about several cyberbullying incidents and the online vigilantism that occurred in the name of making the bullies ‘pay.’”

I’d been familiar with some of these headlines myself, given my personal history as bullying-target turned crusader, who advocates that school- and work-communities unite to defeat bullying.

So with that history, I was drawn to read Littman’s book, and I found it very impressive.

Multiple-character viewpoints portray the broad and destructive impact that an incident of bullying can have. I recommend this book be read by teens and adults.

Disclosure of material connection: My taxes support local libraries’ acquisition of this and other resources. I consider the access I enjoy to be a “priceless” return on my investment.

‘Gabe & Izzy’ by Gabrielle Ford

As a survivor of bullying, I enjoy reading the accounts of fellow targets like myself, who devote their efforts to speaking out against bullying and raising awareness of how serious it is.

In Gabe & Izzy, Gabrielle Ford shares her experiences during middle- to high-school when she was bullied by classmates but bullying was not spoken of openly at her school. She didn’t know how to ask for help, or even which adult to talk to.

Having been diagnosed with Friedreich’s ataxia — which as it progressed affected how Ford was able to move and to walk — Ford exhausted herself with trying to appear “normal.”

When a dog named Izzy entered Ford's life, Ford was completely isolated, but Izzy’s own unique challenges helped Ford to become more involved with life again.

Written for young readers, this book is Ford’s generous gift to students who face bullying. Interspersed with her story are facts and suggestions about what is bullying and how to address it.

Disclosure of material connection: My taxes support local libraries’ acquisition of this and other resources. I consider the access I enjoy to be a “priceless” return on my investment.

Study examines prejudice against people on autism spectrum

A study published online in February 2017 proposes that, based upon “thin slice judgments” that occur within seconds of meeting a person who has Autism Spectrum Disorder, neurotypical peers are less likely to pursue social interaction with that person.
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‘The Secret Sheriff of Sixth Grade’

I thoroughly relate to stories about people who stand up to bullying, which led me to select The Secret Sheriff of Sixth Grade from the new-books shelf at my local library.

Sixth-grader Maverick Falconer carries a toy sheriff’s badge that was given to him by his father. It reminds him of his dad, who was killed in Afghanistan. And he also keeps it to inspire himself to make things better for the people around him. But somehow, things go disastrously wrong.

I think many young people will be able to relate to the situations that Maverick finds himself in, and hopefully some readers will be inspired to kindness and bravery.

Disclosure of material connection: My taxes support local libraries’ acquisition of this and other resources. I consider the access I enjoy to be a “priceless” return on my investment.

Children’s books for resistance to climate of empowered bigotry

The current U.S. President, with his expressions of prejudice, uniquely empowers people to engage in bigoted behavior openly — and the worst and longest-lasting legacy of the “Bully-in-Chief” may be lessons in how-to-hate that adults are passing on to children. At Bustle, contributor Aisha Saeed recommends six picture books she is reading to her children to help them navigate current events.
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