“Think about a time when you felt hopeful about something in your life”

My ‘No Bully’ mugshot

When I attended school in Calistoga, CA, I didn’t fit in with any of my classmates. I didn’t have any friends and, in addition to simply feeling isolated, I was actively shunned and bullied by what felt like the entire student population.

The isolation I felt began on Day 1 of Kindergarten and persisted throughout my K-12 career at Calistoga Elementary School and Calistoga Junior/Senior High School.

The adults did very little about it; an individual teacher might build me up by saying that my reading ability put me at the top of the class but there were no anti-bullying programs the way that there are now (Safe School Ambassadors, Challenge Day, and the like).

A few years ago, I learned that Calistoga Junior/Senior High School was staging a production of “Bang Bang You’re Dead,” a play about a school shooting that had been motivated by bullying.

Accompanying the performance were resources about how to get help from bullying and I felt cautiously hopeful that students who today were coming up through the California schools would not feel so isolated and alone, the way that I did. Hopefully today’s students would have resources to deal with bullying.

My willingness to speak out concerning the bullying that I suffered has not gained universal admiration. A Calistoga graduate who attended school at least 20 years before I did, and knew nothing at all regarding the how or why of my involvement in extracurriculars, insisted to me in an email that bullying did not happen at the Calistoga schools and that what happend to me was my fault for stand[ing] to the side” and criticizing instead of getting involved. He essentially told me I would be unwelcome at Calistoga alumni reunions.

Talk about victim-blaming! In his email, this person displayed classic techniques of bullying, including put-downs and threats of social exclusion. His email to me, with its proficiency in bullying, made particularly laughable the writer’s claim that bullying did not happen.

This person’s unwillingness to acknowledge the reality of bullying has tempered my hope that bullying will be addressed consistently in the Calistoga schools. It will really depend upon the world view or outlook of whomever is in charge.

Related writings:
Parkhill, C.M. (2016, Aug. 10). Calistoga schools finally confront bullying. Cynthia Parkhill. https://cynthiaparkhill.blogspot.com/2016/08/calistoga-schools-student-writing.html

Parkhill, C.M. (2012, May 6). People really do blame the victim. Cynthia Parkhill. https://cynthiaparkhill.blogspot.com/2012/05/people-really-do-blame-victim.html

Parkhill, C.M. (2009, April 2). Calistoga schools finally confront bullying. Cynthia Parkhill. https://cynthiaparkhill.blogspot.com/2009/04/calistoga-schools-finally-discuss.html