Autistic and asexual (Notes from my presentation for UCM Scholars Symposium)

Asexual and Autistic pride flag. Credit: COUPOSANTO on reddit

The UCM Scholars Symposium, on April 3, 2025, included my slide-show and pre-recorded video recapping my experience as a co-presentor with Professor Amanda Harrison during Library Research Seminar 8 in Lexington, Kentucky.

Our presentation concerned depictions of autistic characters in books on children’s “reader’s choice” award lists and one aspect of these depictions that particularly interested me were characters who were both autistic and asexual. Due to problems with recording quality and considerations of timing, I was not able to elaborate on this as in-depth as I would have liked in my finished video so I have compiled my speaker’s notes here in order to address that topic.

In When My Heart Joins the Thousand by A. J. Steiger, the main character, Alvie, challenges and addresses a “pervasive” myth about disabled people: that they are “incapable of or disinterested in sex” (Stevens, 2021). Alvie overhears a conversation between one coworker, Toby, and another coworker, someone whom Alvie has nicknamed “Unibrow.” When Toby expresses sexual interest in Alvie, Unibrow says, “Gross. You’re sick, man” (Steiger, 2018, pg. 37). Alvie is irritated that Unibrow considers Toby’s sexual attraction to her “so repulsive” (Steiger, 2018, pg. 48). “Does he assume that just because I’m different, I’m incapable of having a sexual relationship with anyone? That I’m unable even to feel desire?” (Steiger, 2018, pg. 48).

But pushing back against stereotypes about autistic people and asexuality creates a unique dilemma for people who are both autistic and asexual. They may feel ashamed to come out, due to fear that their visibility “might strengthen the belief that autistic people aren’t sexually inclined or that asexual people are all autistic” (Decker, 2014, p. 78). And they may feel “invalidated in their sexual identity” when other people claim that “their sexual orientation [is] a result of autism” (Lewis, et al., 2021, p. 2329).

One example of characters who are potentially both autistic and asexual is Marcelo from Marcelo in the Real World, by Francisco X. Stork. When another character, Wendell, interrogates Marcelo about whether or not he feels sexual attraction, Marcelo denies being sexually attracted either to women or to men (Stork, 2014, p. 185). Additionally, Marcelo does not appear to experience sexual libido. He tells another character, Jasmine, that “To love someone ‘that way,’ with the desire that someone like Wendell feels, does not seem possible for me” (Stork, 2014, p. 670). Marcelo in the Real World was published in 2014 but if the book were written today, Marcelo might declare his orientation to be asexual.

Another potentially asexual character is Suzy from The Thing About Jellyfish by Ali Benjamin. If nothing else, Suzy pushes back against her friend Franny imposing a heteronormative and chrononormative timetable: for who Suzy is supposed to like, and when those feelings should develop. As Franny matures, she becomes interested in boys and in her physical appearance. At one point, when Franny asks Suzy which boy she likes, Suzy answers, “‘No one” (Benjamin, 2015, p. 98). Franny insists in reply, “But you have to like someone. We’ll be in middle school soon” (Benjamin, 2015, p. 98).

In Speak Up!, the main character, Mia, observes girls around her talking nonstop about “Boys Boys Boys! Gossip Gossip Gossip!” (Burgess, 2022, p.33). For Mia, this is all “Stuff I don’t understand and that I really don’t have any interest in” (Burgess, 2022, p. 33). The creator, Rebecca Burgess, is asexual, as well as autistic. In 2020, Burgess created a graphic memoir about being asexual.

References:
Benjamin, A. (2015). The thing about jellyfish. Little, Brown and Company.

Burgess, R. (2022). Speak up! Scholastic.

Burgess, R. (2020). How to be ace: A memoir of growing up asexual. Jessica Kingsley Publishers.

COUPOSANTO. (2021, May 23). Asexual autistic pride flag I just made [Image]. reddit. https://www.reddit.com/r/aspiememes/comments/nj6waf/asexual_autistic_pride_flag_i_just_made/

Decker, J.S. (2014). The invisible orientation: An introduction to asexuality. Carrell Books.

Harrison, A.E. & Parkhill, C.M. Neurodiverse representation in the state book award nominees, 2014-2024. In: Library Research Seminar 8; Sept. 16-18, 2024, Lexington, Ky. Abstract 2306. https://comm.uky.edu/lrs8/program/schedule/8/paperposter/2306

Lewis, L. F., Ward, C., Jarvis, N., & Eleni, C. (2021). “Straight sex is complicated enough!”: The lived experiences of autistics who are gay, lesbian, bisexual, asexual, or other sexual orientations. Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders, 51(7), 2324-2337. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10803-020-04696-w

Steiger, A.J. (2018). When my heart joins the thousand. Harper Teen.

Stork, F.X. (2014). Marcelo in the real world [eBook edition]. Scholastic, Inc.