'22 Things' offers inside perspective on relationship with woman with AS

In previous writings I have lamented the absence of books about relationships that offer advice for and not about a partner who is on the autism spectrum. The dynamic that these books seem exclusively to address consists of a man who has Asperger’s syndrome and a woman who is neurotypical.

“22 Things a Woman with Asperger’s  Syndrome Wants Her Partner to Know,” by Rudy Simone (Jessica Kingsley Publishers, 2012) addresses the gender imbalance in these relationship books.

Simone’s own diagnosis gives her an insider’s perspective about being in a relationship with a woman on the autism spectrum. I found her book valuable in articulating my own challenges and gifts.

In her introduction, Simone says that since writing her first book, “22 Things a Woman Must Know if She Loves a Man with Asperger’s Syndrome” (Jessica Kingsley Publishers, 2009), she received many requests to write a companion piece about being in a relationship with a woman who has AS: “The requests were mostly from AS women. Females, whether they have AS or not, tend to want to figure out relationships. Trouble is, AS females are not so good at that.”

According to Simone, the man or woman who is in a relationship with a woman on the autism spectrum may need to “take the reins socially” and that person will “need to be sensitive to the special needs inherent in autism.”

(This dynamic is present in my husband’s and my relationship; like Simone’s male partner, my husband is far more adept socially. I rely upon him to explain nuances that I would otherwise miss.)

Simone’s book addresses 22 aspects of being a woman on the autism spectrum. Simone writes with humor and candor about control issues, moods, sensory challenges, repetitive behaviors, special interests and more. Simone stresses the importance of each partner treating the other person with honesty and respect.

I would recommend this book to both partners in a relationship in which a woman has Asperger’s syndrome. A foreword by Tony Attwood and illustrations by Emma Rios further enhance the book.

Disclosure of material connection: I received a review copy of this book.