People really do blame the victim

Original cartoon, generated online using MakeBeliefsComix.com

At the invitation of a friend of mine, Anat, I read a post by guest blogger Angie Tupelo, “Allies and Pseudo Allies,” on “Your Passport to Complaining (is your willingness to do something about it)” by Paxus.

From Angie’s thought-provoking reflection upon the positions of privilege from which people can unthinkingly operate, I followed a link back to the post she was responding to, “Victim Blaming 101,” because it is an area in which I have direct experience.

I recently began speaking out publicly as a survivor of childhood peer abuse at Calistoga Joint Unified School District schools and have been the target of a vicious backlash.

A person with whom I never went to school (he graduated from Calistoga Junior/Senior High School 20 years before I did) denied that bullying ever happened at my school and that what happened to me was my fault because “students like me” like to stand on the sidelines and criticize instead of getting involved. He knew nothing of me but felt entitled and knowledgeable to make these sweeping claims.

I’ve observed other victims of bullying speak out about what goes on today at their schools and similarly become targeted with backlash.

In 2009, a Clear Lake High School student submitted a guest commentary to the Lake County Record-Bee, saying that bullying had to stop. The volley of objections that were raised to his column confirmed me in my belief that bullying is too often trivialized when it is not actively denied.

At an online forum, people fixated upon rallies at which upperclassmen would boo the freshmen, taking a “who cares,” “it's tradition” attitude and not devoting nearly enough attention to the writer’s account of having objects thrown at him and being the recipient of threats — except to elucidate the ways in which he somehow provoked the abuse.

I have a lot of respect for that teen, who embodied the tenets of Challenge Day: To “Notice” what needs to change in the community, “Choose” what they can do and then personally commit to “Act.”

I believe this teen’s brave actions and those of a parent, June Wilson, in mobilizing support are directly responsible for Challenge Day taking place at Clear Lake High School: this year for the second time.

The work doesn’t end with Challenge Day, of course: a lifetime of feeling alone and ostracized won’t automatically come to an end after seven hours of shared experiences.

The real work begins after the presentation: through “Be the Change” clubs, through follow-up “Next Step” workshops and a commitment to zero tolerance.

And as long as people dismiss bullying as “kids will be kids” and act like it’s no big deal — as long as people hold the victim responsible for causing the abuse to take place — zero tolerance will be difficult to achieve.

I thank Paxus for beginning this dialogue about putting the victim to blame — in the case of his blog post, victims of rape. My intention with this post is to corroborate that victim blaming happens. It happens with rape and it happens with bullying — and the viciousness with which a victim can be attacked rivals the original abuse.