“I imagine your former victim might consider the same conclusion I have; you want closure for yourself.” For Utne Reader, columnist Tim White explains to a former bully why he should leave his victim in peace.
My response, left via Contact form:
Thank you, Tim, for setting a former bully straight, that the closure he seeks is only for him and doesn’t benefit the victim.
A few years ago, I had a former bully contact me and attempt to make amends. While I believed he was sincere in his apology, he made extremely personal comments about my presumed marital status and asked for further contact in a way I thought was completely inappropriate.
I didn’t feel comfortable telling him how I felt about his behavior.
To begin with, he connected with me via telephone land-line, the most invasive form of contact possible (No caller ID, absolutely no warning that the person on the other end was a person who bullied me).
Combine that with the barrier-invasion in his comments and request for further contact. I was ill-equipped to deal with an interaction that was forced upon me.
But I am saying it here: We were NEVER friends. He was bullied too, but while I stood up for him when he was bullied by our classmates, he never stood up for me. He took the bullies’ side and joined in when they persecuted me.
I accepted an apology from this former bully; I honor his making amends but I will NEVER be his friend. His betrayal was too complete.
Subject Classifications (Partial list, via Dewey Decimal System)
- 006.754-Social Media
- 020-Library and Information Science
- 020.92-Cynthia M. Parkhill (Biographical)
- 023.3-Library Workers
- 025.04-Internet Access
- 027.473-Public Libraries-- Lake County CA
- 027.473-Public Libraries--Jackson County OR
- 027.473-Public Libraries--Sonoma County CA
- 027.663-Libraries and people with disabilities
- 027.8-School Libraries--Bellview Elementary
- 028.52-Children's Literature
- 028.535-Young Adult Literature
- 028.7-Information Literacy
- 158.2-Social Intelligence
- 323.30-People with disabilities--Civil rights
- 658.812-Customer Service
- 659.2-Public Relations
- 686.22-Graphic Design
- 746.43-Yarn bombing (Knitting and Crochet)
- 809-Literature--Critical Appraisal