Friday, August 22, 2014

Bully called-out for self-serving closure

“I imagine your former victim might consider the same conclusion I have; you want closure for yourself.” For Utne Reader, columnist Tim White explains to a former bully why he should leave his victim in peace.

My response, left via Contact form:

Thank you, Tim, for setting a former bully straight, that the closure he seeks is only for him and doesn’t benefit the victim.

A few years ago, I had a former bully contact me and attempt to make amends. While I believed he was sincere in his apology, he made extremely personal comments about my presumed marital status and asked for further contact in a way I thought was completely inappropriate.

I didn’t feel comfortable telling him how I felt about his behavior.

To begin with, he connected with me via telephone land-line, the most invasive form of contact possible (No caller ID, absolutely no warning that the person on the other end was a person who bullied me).

Combine that with the barrier-invasion in his comments and request for further contact. I was ill-equipped to deal with an interaction that was forced upon me.

But I am saying it here: We were NEVER friends. He was bullied too, but while I stood up for him when he was bullied by our classmates, he never stood up for me. He took the bullies’ side and joined in when they persecuted me.

I accepted an apology from this former bully; I honor his making amends but I will NEVER be his friend. His betrayal was too complete.

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