Saturday, April 28, 2012

‘Something’s Gotta Give’

I started singing “Something’s Gotta Give” on Friday as the bus driver pulled away from my stop and I settled in for the ride home:
“When an irresistible force such as you 
“Meets an immovable object like me ... 
“Something’s gotta give, something’s gotta give, 
“Something’s gotta give.” 
Repeating this over and over for at least a minute, maybe longer.

I think the name for what I was feeling at the time was “relief” that I’d come to the end of my week with my responsibilities met. Perhaps the feeling was flavored with “anxiety” over whether this will continue to be the case.

The driver and I were the only two people who were on the bus at the time and if she heard me singing, she kept it to herself.

One of my known challenges is being able to identify and then to articulate what I’m feeling. I think that when I spontaneously sing, there may be a connection between the lyrics and emotions I am feeling at the time.

In the case of my week that concluded on Friday with my bus ride home, it was characterized by new opportunities that joined existing responsibilities.

While I was proud that I had met these challenges, part of my mind may have expressed concern that “Something’s Gotta Give.”

Echolalic tendencies are among my constellation of Aspergian traits. I often repeat what other people say but not always audibly. Much of this takes place in my head.

I sing snatches of lyrics and I engage in what I describe as cat mantras, repetitive chanting that is so-named because it involves cats:
“Precious little Starfire! Lovely little Starfire!”
or the more general:
“Precious little kittycat! Lovely little kittycat!” 
While I am much more aware today of my echolalic tendencies, I believe these traits persisted throughout my life.

Emotions remain difficult for me to identify but I think paying attention to when, where and what I sing may be a key to better understanding them. Singing, for me, may be indispensable to communicate what I am feeling at the time.

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